Dr Julie | Psychologist

👉 Hidden Trauma - Do you have Intense emotional reactions that seem extreme and disproportionate to the event that triggered it? In Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) we often use the analogy of a burn or wound to help us understand how past trauma can increase sensitivity years later. When a wound is psychological the people around us often have no idea that they have touched on old wounds. So they can feel confused, fearful or angry when they witness the intense emotional reaction that appears to come out of nowhere. If we have no idea how to heal those old wounds, it is understandable that we get to work hiding them or trying to numb the pain that they can trigger. And there are plenty of things that do just that. But none of them come without a cost. The price we pay is often in our relationships, mental and physical health, and ability to be at peace when all is still and silent. Thanks for watching! Feel free to share @drjulie ❤️ 👉 More on this in my million copy bestselling book - Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% see link in bio). Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. Available in over 40 languages 🇬🇧 🇺🇸 🇮🇳 🇨🇳 🇨🇦 🇦🇺 🇦🇱 🇧🇷 🇧🇬 🇭🇷 🇨🇿 🇩🇰 🇪🇪 🇫🇮 🇫🇷 🇩🇪 🇬🇷 🇭🇺 🇮🇸 🇮🇩 🇮🇱 🇮🇹 🇯🇵 🇱🇻 🇱🇹 🇲🇰 🇳🇱 🇳🇴 🇵🇱 🇵🇹 🇷🇴 🇷🇺 🇷🇸 🇸🇰 🇸🇮 🇰🇷 🇪🇸 🇸🇪 🇹🇼 🇹🇭 🇹🇷 🇺🇦 🇻🇳

🍷Wait for it 👉Here are some top tips for dealing with painful emotion. • Get to know what your blocking behaviours are. These are the things we do, often without even thinking about it, to numb ourselves. For example, sometimes the first sign of emotional pain is that you are hinting through the fridge for something sweet, or you put off everything else to binge watch tv. Once we build our awareness of how we numb, we can more easily spot when we are struggling. • It seems counterintuitive to think about welcoming all emotions because our instinct is to push them away. But when we turn toward emotion with curiosity, we no longer need to waste energy fighting it. • Turning towards it means allowing it to be here. To feel the sensations it brings. And to soothe ourselves as it passes. • Self-soothing can be anything that helps you to feel safe and comforted in the moment, without costing you dearly in the long term. • Finding words to describe how you feel no writing it down is a helpful way to get some distance from it and see emotions for what they are; an experience washing over you that is temporary. ♥️ Feel free to share @drjulie 👉More on this in my million copy bestselling book - Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% see link in bio). Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. Available in over 40 languages!

👉 Have you experienced a friendship like this? We know that, when it comes to friendship, quality over quantity works best. But, how do you know which friendships are better? Perhaps one way to measure the quality of friendship is the degree to which you have to modify yourself to meet the expectations of the other person. There are plenty of interactions in which we willingly adjust how we present ourselves to play a certain role. Maybe that’s at work or in a position of responsibility and authority. But when it comes to friendship, acceptance and having each other’s best interests at heart is a foundation that cannot be substituted with counterfeit alternatives. Many people say that you learn who your friends are when times get tough. But in many ways this is even more true when you experience good times or personal success. The details of how this works are fascinating. If you want to know more, keep an eye out on my page this week as I’ll be bringing you something special. For more on this pre-order my new book - Open When… (link in bio)

👉One big mistake people make is they think that being a good person means giving in to other person’s demands, always being the one to say, “I don’t mind” and flexing this way and that to accommodate them. But what starts as an intention to be kind, can easily slip into a habit of appeasement. Doing that may help to keep the peace in the moment, but leads to deep resentment and bitterness in the long term. So how is appeasement different from simply being kind? And how can you spot it? 1. While kindness is motivated by genuine care, appeasement can be driven by fear, the need for approval or the avoidance of conflict. 2. Anyone can choose to express kindness to another person without compromising on their own needs or wellbeing. In fact, showing kindness has benefits for both them and you. But appeasement often feels less like a choice, and more of an escape from confrontation or conflict. And it nearly always requires some form of self-betrayal. 3. A habit of kindness contributes positively to your wellbeing and your relationship. Appeasement sets a precedent for what they will come to expect of you that builds resentment and bitterness and often the destruction of the relationship itself. Many of us have been taught to believe that being a good partner, friend or family member is someone who drifts in any direction others want us to go. That is not true. Being a decent person and being an assertive person are not opposite ends of a spectrum. In fact, one demands the other. The good news is that assertiveness is not something you are born with. Those skills are learnable at any age. This is the first video I have made on this particular subject, so if you’d like to know more, let me know in the comments.

👉 Watch out for No.4! Have you noticed that knowing what’s best for you doesn’t seem to be enough to make you do it? That’s because our actions are often driven by how we feel (and don’t want to feel) right now. But the problem with being led by how we want to feel now puts up new barriers between you and your goals for the future. All those barriers seem to reconfirm your limiting beliefs that you can’t make it happen. So the urge is not to bother. You start to convince yourself that you didn’t want it anyway. The cycle of seeking the most comfortable now, sabotages your future. When do you notice self-sabotage kicking in for you? And would you like to know more on how to break the cycle? If you do, type MORE ON THIS PLEASE! in the comments. 👉More on self sabotage in my million copy bestselling book - Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% see link in bio). Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. Available in over 40 languages 🇬🇧 🇺🇸 🇮🇳 🇨🇳 🇨🇦 🇦🇺 🇦🇱 🇧🇷 🇧🇬 🇭🇷 🇨🇿 🇩🇰 🇪🇪 🇫🇮 🇫🇷 🇩🇪 🇬🇷 🇭🇺 🇮🇸 🇮🇩 🇮🇱 🇮🇹 🇯🇵 🇱🇻 🇱🇹 🇲🇰 🇳🇱 🇳🇴 🇵🇱 🇵🇹 🇷🇴 🇷🇺 🇷🇸 🇸🇰 🇸🇮 🇰🇷 🇪🇸 🇸🇪 🇹🇼 🇹🇭 🇹🇷 🇺🇦

👉 My secret is finally out! The book that I (and so many others) have needed but not been able to find… I wrote it for us. (link in bio) I have poured everything into making this earn its place on the bookshelf and I have never been so fired up to get a piece of my work out to the world. Some of these chapters have helped me find my stride when I might otherwise have been freefalling this year. And I want them to do the same for you, whatever life is challenging you with. I will share more details on how this book was born but for anyone here looking for where to order your own copy, the link in my bio will take you to wherever you would like to get it from; Waterstones, Amazon, Audible and there is also a link for independent book stores. For those in the USA, you’ll see links to pre-order from Target, Booksamillion.com, Amazon US, Barnes and Noble, and Bookshop.org. This book is also being translated into several languages already so check the international retailer links to see if your language is included yet. More will be added soon. From the very beginning, I always said that I would only write another book if I had something valuable to say…and, well, I want to shout this stuff from the rooftops. When life gets messy and confusing (as it does for everyone) most of us struggle to be the voice that we need to hear; the voice that helps us find the best way to look at things and reminds us to start taking steps forward. So, this is the book for us all, for ourselves when we need a way through, for our children as they fly the nest, for our friends that live out of reach, and for our family when we can’t find the words to say. If you order yours today, it should arrive with you on publication day 2nd January. @penguinbooks @michaeljbooks @‌harperonebooks @harpercollins

#ad ad. It’s hard not to be shocked by the number of chronic health problems associated with AGEs. Since I started diving into the research on this I have been determined to use every tool at my disposal to maximise my health and wellbeing. But, the biggest hurdle to any change is always consistency. We know that recording and measuring the things you are working on helps sustain the changes. But, before such incredible advancements in technology, helping people through change demanded keeping a record of how things are going in the old fashioned way. You had to keep your goals in mind and write down (sometimes with painful honesty) about how you were getting on. ‌But, since working alongside Samsung as they pioneer much of this new technology, and getting the chance to try it out, I have experienced for myself the role that technology can play in helping us prioritise our health. For me, having a watch that can quietly monitor different aspects of my wellbeing while I sleep and keep me aware of the impact of my choices, has made a real difference to how consistent I have been with my goals. As I up my game on my lifestyle habits this year, I am going to make full use of the Galaxy Watch7 to help keep my goals at the forefront of my mind. #GalaxyWatch7 #GalaxyWatchUltra